Like many Divas, I tend to be tenacious, which is a much nicer word for “stubborn.” While this can often be a good-to-great quality – you want a task done well and on time, Divas are a fantastic choice – it has a downside. Today, we’re going to talk about that, as well as learn a strategy to deal with the situations where you want to walk away, but have a hard time doing that.
First – being tenacious is often a good thing. It helps us do hard things with grace, from turning rock-hard red clay into a flower bed to patiently teaching a teenager how to drive. Tenacity is what allows us to serve our community when the odds are against us, to stand up and have our voices be heard by those in power, and to learn how to do new things, from making bone broth to understanding compound interest.
However.
There are times where it’s not only fine to not finish, but actually in your best interest. For instance – the picture at the top of this post. Several months ago, I started working on this puzzle at my Dad’s house, on the weekends when I’d go up to visit and help take care of him. OK. I hated this puzzle. Really. It’s just weird – 408 pieces (what sort of number is that?), made with a real jigsaw out of wood, not pasteboard, truly bizarre shapes that didn’t fit together in any sort of normal way, and without a picture on the box to help serve as a guide. It was the opposite of the reason I do puzzles, which is to gentle tease my brain. No, this one was a battle and my mental forces did not always win the skirmishes. (Honestly, when I finally got down to the final dozen pieces, it was STILL not evident how the pieces fit!) But being a tenacious Diva, I couldn’t NOT finish it.
Oh, but I could. At any point, I could have said, “Nuts to this!” and packed it back into its plain-no-picture box and gone about my business. Instead, I felt that I had to finish it.
I am occasionally as thick as a well-made brick.
I wasn’t enjoying the process and even when I did finish it, I didn’t feel a sense of accomplishment, because the task seemed useless. Listen to me, Divas – it’s okay to walk away. I had no commitment here – no one else was counting on me to finish That Dratted Puzzle. I wasn’t enjoying it and I should have quit.
It’s not just puzzles. I was reading a book that I’d heard good things about. (I won’t tell you the title; maybe you’d enjoy it and who am I to tell you you’re wrong about a matter of taste?) I didn’t like it at all, but thought I had to finish it. After finishing That Dratted Puzzle and realizing that I wished I had stopped, I made an Executive Diva Decision and said, in the words of Bartleby the Scrivener, “I would prefer not to.” When the thought of picking it up made me feel not-good, I took a deep breath and returned it to the library, mostly unread.
Honestly, I felt like I was skipping school.
The things we do to take care of ourselves – gardening, meditating, reading, doodling, manicures, whatever – should make us feel good. If it isn’t, stop it. It’s okay. Not everything is for everybody and it’s fine to have multiple interests. You are too special to waste your time on things that do not make you feel happy, joyous, and free.
So I encourage you to take a look at what you spend your free time on and ask yourself if you truly enjoy those activities. If you do, continue with a grateful heart. And if you don’t, quietly stop it and move on to something else.
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