I am very, very pleased to report that this Diva is back in the pink of health! Honestly, the last few weeks of March were just awful, as you know from the previous few posts. But medicine, rest, soup, and more rest did the trick and I seem to be back to my usual cheerful self, just sniffling a bit from spring allergies.
There is, however, a tricky part, which is figuring out how to buck the urge to work too hard too quickly to get caught back up. Divas who struggle with the demon of Perfectionism (that super-seductive killer flaw that appears as a godly virtue) are probably sagely nodding their heads in agreement here. Now, on this point, I can serve as a cautionary tale, so please – draw closer and listen carefully so that you may avoid the pitfalls that I blundered straight into over the last week or so.
Having begun to feel okay again, I looked at all the daywork that had piled up (I earn my bread at a small university, and April is, indeed, the Cruelest Month, with grades, exams, reports, meetings, ceremonies and more bubbling up to expand into every nook and cranny on the calendar) and decided I needed to throw myself into the volcano like some sort of sacrifice.
No.
Just – no.
It took me going wildly off-balance and getting so tired and cranky and beset by Impostor Syndrome that I wanted to hide in a closet and just sob. But you don’t have to do that (and neither do I, but I forgot that for a bit).
The better course of action when you return to work is to tidy your desk and make a list. Then look at your email and other message devices and add to that list. Then walk around the block before you even attempt to prioritize the tasks. Get a little fresh air, then come back and look at the list with a clear head. Map out what tasks you plan to do on which day – if you’re truly wise, you’ll then move at least one item off each day’s list to a later day. (We always, always, ALWAYS think we can do more than we can and/or that we’ll have more uninterrupted time than we actually wind up having, don’t we? Head that posse off at the pass.) Whatever you do, DO NOT say, even to yourself, “If I work really hard, I can get it all done sooner.” There are no gold stars, my dearest Divas. You were sick, not backpacking around Europe on a gap year. You’ll get everything done and it’ll be just fine.
Now for the actual hard part. Make another list. This one is your “Gentle List” and it’s going to save you several times a year (so once you have it made, put it somewhere very safe that’s also very close at hand). On this list are things that smooth your ruffled heart. No one else has to know what’s on this list and no one has any sort of approval or veto power over what’s on the list. Read your list carefully and put at the very least, one single thing from it on your “to do” list. Yes, write it there on the list so that you are reminded of the importance of taking care of yourself.
For instance, my list includes:
- Listening to mid-century torch singer Jeri Southern
- Drinking hot honey-ginger tea just before bed, especially one made with clean sheets
- Eating lunch at work with a placemat and utensils
- Picking a color (like pink!) and looking for five things on the drive in to work. (This one is especially nice on a bright, cool spring morning when the dogwoods and azaleas are waving for attention.)
- Rereading The Enchanted April, a novel that pulls me into believing in the transformational magic of beauty. (Holy cow! A free, unabridged audiobook version!)
- Refilling a bird feeder and setting out fresh water for the local critters
- Watching a completely satisfyingly-happy movie, like My Neighbor Totoro
Whatever you do, Diva, treat yourself with some deep gentleness. How else are you to mend the world?
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